Banks
Posted by Stephen · Leave a Comment
So here’s the deal
We are a startup business looking for finance to get us to production. Over the past five years we have managed to sustain development ourselves with the help of some grant funding. We are now at final tooling stage and require a development loan to put towards the tools and for stock purchase. So what do we do? Approach the Banks of course.
So accounts, business plan, amalgamated cash flow and profit and loss projections in hand we head off to the High St. Now, which banks will we go in and speak to? lets try some that we didn’t pull back from the brink of collapse at considerable public expense.
3 banks, who shall remain nameless at this point , later and the results are in.
DECLINED
Why not we ask? Well, we don’t lend based on projections anymore and you don’t have any track record of sales. Our Credit and Risk department have been renamed Credit as we don’t take risks.
Ok, yes, we are a startup, so how about an overdraft? Well, we can consider that, what security can you provide? Well none, we’re a startup and don’t have any assets at present. AH well no then, sorry sir, but please come back when you can demonstrate a history of sales.
OK, OK we get the message. We dredge the bottom of the biscuit tin, borrow and beg until we have half the money we need. FANTASTIC : )
Now then, Mr and Mrs New Business Development Managers. Over and above the six figure sums we have already invested, we now have half the money. Can we have the other half please at your large percentage over base and considerable fees?
No, we already told you we don’t take risks anymore.
OK, OK we understand you are risk averse and rightly so, given the balls up by your counterparts last year. BUT WAIT! Didn’t the government introduce a scheme, the Enterprise Finance Guarantee scheme specifically for this sort of situation, where the Government guarantee 70% of the loan? Yes they did. SALVATION. we have 50% to put up. There is no risk to the bank. So can we have a loan under this criteria please?
NO
Why not? : (
Well that scheme requires that we would lend to you anyway and as we have told you we’re not lending to you, there’s nothing we can do and anyway, we don’t consider this for new customers, only existing ones who have a track record, looking to grow their business. Furthermore, we would want to take security over your house and as your good lady has said no, she would rather have the peace of mind of having a secure roof over her and the kids head, you’ve really not done yourself any favours.
So, there we go.
Bailout Banks, here we come!!!



The article concludes with the opinion that one stainless steel bottle is much more harmfull to the environment than one throw away plastic bottle, however if you use a stainless steel bottle over and over again that would be the best option.




![3858851072_4ce11e2384_m[1] 4/5 scale model received ratherthan tool ordered](http://www.quiverblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/09/3858851072_4ce11e2384_m13.jpg)





